Sunday, June 25

to live a life worth living...

because someone taught me so by living a life which so impacted mine.

should i start posting more regularly?

i dun wanna (solely) post daily updates on my life... dun wanna write nonsensical stuff...
i want this to be what it was meant to be... a place and time for me to reflect.

so the question still begs: should i post more?

a rhetorical question... if i spend more time reflecting, naturally, i'll post more.

to live a life worth living...

simultaneously, helping people live worthwhile lives.

Saturday, May 27

death. life.

it just so happened that i watched one tree hill season 3 this week when keith dies, and people around carry on. or try to. reminded me so much of tyrone. and myself. makes me think of joan. and the people she loves and who love her.

death. life.

its not the same as black and white. or right and wrong. death's a part of life. in the whole concept of life, there's a portion for other people's deaths. for our own. and somehow, life continues. life continues after death. in the afterlife, if you believe so. but life's not the be all and death the end all.

i really love shows. how they reflect life is so amazing.

and my amazing life continues...

Thursday, May 11

gilmore girls. one tree hill. the oc.
the lovely bones. the time traveller's wife. the alchemist.
how to lose a guy in 10 days, serendipity, love actually.
ever wondered why people watch such shows, read such books? even though some people claim that all these shows are essentially the same except for the name changes, setting changes, and slight plot developments; such stuff still endears to people.
why? because it presently reflects some part of our life, or we hope that some part of it will be reflected in our life. and while it all is perhaps essentially the same (it all has in some part, to do with love); each story is special in its own way.
and thats why i'll never stop watching such tv shows, or movies, or read such books. because i'm hoping that it will (one day) reflect in my life somehow, or it somehow reflects in my life (now).
go figure.

Tuesday, May 2

just thought i should post my thoughts.

wanted to go on sat but didn't really wanna either. lack of effort you may call it but perhaps it felt better just praying for her with my cell group, perhaps i can't really deal with such situations that well, perhaps i find it sometimes a little sad (not really fake) but... i dunno, how people gather to remember someone when it could have been done a lot better before. dunno if any of what i've said makes sense but i don't really care.

there was once a point in time when i really cared what people thought of me. even if it weren't true, it'll affect me in some way. but now, i only need to answer to myself and god in all honesty. even though i love my frenz and treasure their opinions a ton, they won't always understand and people are entitled to their own opinion. so if you think something about me, you either confront me bout it, check it out for yourself, or just live with that impression which you think is true.

i dunno why there's so much angst and anger in the world. i honestly don't. because people don't realise that by giving in to it, by not making the effort to make things better, to be nicer, to be happier, they're actually making things harder on themselves. you're wrong you know. itz actually easier to see the world as horrible and unkind than to see the love that it holds and shares at times.

give it some serious thought and don't dismiss everything. don't be so cynical. yet, don't change yourself. don't give up your ideals. i know its hard to keep trying, but heck. i've been trying my entire life.

Thursday, April 6

i went for life concert 2006 at sajc today. it was good overall but one particular thing stood out for me and that was this guy's testimony. i could feel it. i dunno why. maybe because his testimony was so dramatic. but more probably, it was because i could feel the sincerity and passion in his voice. not that the others were not sincere or what. but rather, i could really hear his willingness to share. hearing people's testimonies is good because it encourages yourself.

i love the song cry out. the melody's not realli catchy or watever but the lyrics... woah. go check it out.

Thursday, March 23

been awhile since i've posted. which i like. out of pt i know.

can't realli think of what to say so i'll just type and see wat comes out.

commissioning didn't seem as high as i thought it would be. until i tossed the cap. elation! truly, all the 8+ months of training came to fruition i suppose. now, my life's journey continues at tuas naval base. doing mainly paperwork i believe. not tt i mind it. it'll be an interesting learning experience yet again because itz so different from what i learnt in ocs.

i like to struggle. because i grow most then. i hate myself for giving up so easily sometimes. the easy way out's always tempting but no matter what day, what mood, i must force myself to struggle. frustration... ugh. at myself. which is the worst.

most of the time, we find somebody, something, to push the blame to. actually, we are always partly to blame. and we can do something bout it.

hmm... enough random thoughts for the day. look forward to my next long-awaited post. lol.

Sunday, January 22

i realise i didn't post an 'end-of-year' post like mostly everyone else did. that doesn't mean that i didn't reflect on the year though. def not. i had a great xmas and new year thinking bout things and talking thru things with people closest to me. but there's no pt talking bout it now cos its in the past. 2005 was a year of growth. 'nuff said.
now... thailand's in the past too. it was a kinda long 20 day thingy. i went thru everything, unlike brunei, which wasn't easy but was def good for me. so many highs and lows, prob best epitomised by the despair of almost getting charged again and the euphoria of saving someone from that same fate. when you spend so much time with the same bunch of people, you see many sides. some things bond and some collide. these past 20 days made me consider things i previously didn't, and gave me some breathing space from the things back home.
i haven't slept since coming home so i might be a little incoherent. i think i'll take a breather.