this is me. (at least i think so... at times)

i am the boy who am doing this because two of my closest frenz did it, inspiring me cos i think this is a great way of self-discovery (to articulate out the things you always thought but never said out loud).

i am the boy who either doesn't say enough because he thinks too carefully about what he should say or talks too much because he gets carried away and hasn't thought through what he wants to say.

i am the boy who loves his frenz, and hates himself for not having enough time for every single one of them.

i am the boy who has a special place in his heart for every fren, and there's a 4+ year old hole in this heart that can't be replaced.

i am the boy who's learning to be a man, and finds that it's no easy journey.

i am the boy who's a hopeless romantic (serendipity is my fav movie... ttz how hopeless), yet has never been truly attached (maybe itz cos of how hopeless i am, that things have to be as surreal as in the movies)

i am the boy who's a christian, and isn't afraid of saying so. (what does that mean? i guess it means i love my god.)

i am the boy who wishes he were taller, but knows that everything else about him more than compensates for his lack of height.

i am the boy who feels so blessed just be alive, because he's 'seen', 'heard', 'felt' death in so many ways, from so many people that he knows the true joy of just being alive.

i am the boy who wants to listen to everything you say, if you would tell him.

i am the boy who has lots of things to say, if you want to listen.

i am the boy who just wants a girl to love him, as much as he'll love her.

i am the boy right here waiting, waiting for the right moment, waiting for the right person.

i am just another boy, yet a special boy.

i dunno if anyone will read this. anyway, my blog's realli 99% dead alreadi because i have my journal in camp to write everything down. the purpose of my blog was never to publicise my life or watsoever; it was just meant for me to write what i was too lazy to pen down in a journal.
i have a lot of things to say to various people and all, but i'm still unsure if i wanna do it here. i'll leave it as this for now... undecided.

the good thing about sporadic updating is that almost no one reads ur blog. (at least i hope) so it becomes what it was meant to be in the first place (at least for me), a place to express ur deepest thoughts.

anyway, i feel like such an ass now after reading pplz blogs cos it reminds me of the many frenz that i've either lost contact of or drifted slightly away from. now i understand what **** was feeling when he was leaving and he started to think of all the frenz that he unwittingly (or God forbid, knowingly) pushed aside. i feel just like him. except that, i'm not going anywhere. unless pulau tekong counts. i could start blabbering bout how life's lidat and how itz not realli my fault. but i guess, all i wanna say is, if you are my fren, and i've been a horrible one so far, please forgive me. i'll try to be a better one now.

k... maybe ppl shud read this now. so... i'll update more? depends.

i guess famous amos should say something about prom. stupid da =p has it hit u that prom signifies the end of lotsa things? or perhaps just one thing, 'lost' friendships. i.e. the people you'll almost never meet again barring outstanding circumstances. well, it hit me quite a number of times. the close frenz will always be close to ur heart (ttz why they're close) but those on the periphery will disappear. perhaps, once in awhile, appear as a blip on the radar but otherwise... gone. school gave me an excuse to see you, to hear you. you gave me a reason to come to school. now, there's no more reason or excuse. soon, tekong will be 'all'. all my time, all my energy... as well as all the other guys'. but as the famous chinese saying says (or rather one of the few i know), tian xia wu bu san zi yan xi. we can't help but feel sad when there's parting and we shouldn't feel otherwise, but we can't help it. thats what makes life so magical. how different paths cross and diverge at different parts for different lengths. may mine and yours cross one day again. and then, we'll feel happy, as we should.

3 months? wow... 1 month? ouch... studying? u better be... me? not realli...

'He had known that she would pass from his hands and eyes, but had thought she could live in his mind, not realising that the very fact that we have loved the dead increases their unreality, and that the more passionately we invoke them the further they recede.' A Passage to India

we never consider the afterlife, not till it confronts us face-on either in the form of others or ourselves. yet when we do, we tend to overconsider it and forget life itself.

random thoughts on love (first draft)

l-o-v-e
the word everyone tries to define
but never come close

better to have once loved
than never loved before?
but you'll never truly know will you
because you can't be both at the same time

love is what makes the world go round?
if it is, then wouldn't it spin
faster and faster when i see you?

but of cos, i'm mistaken
that's not love, that's lust
but isn't lust the physical form of love?

surely love is physical
as well as mental
and definitely spiritual
for it transcends everything

but what would i truly know about love
for love's a two-way thing isn't it?
so that would make unreciprocated love
a contradiction wouldn't it?

love is everything
yet nothing but a feeling
love encompasses many many things
yet is the simplest thing in the world

indeed, i seem to see the light
of what love is, not what it isn't
perhaps the reason i'm able to
is because i'm not in it

i don't claim to know all of it
for who truly can?
but i know what i need to know
to make me love... love

l-o-v-e
the word everyone can't define
because we're too close
way too close to it

wow... itz been how long? almost 2 months, which is gd. meaning almost nobody will still come here. haha. i realised the blogging world is still alive. and kicking. i'm delirious. dun ask why. it'll take too long. i love it how everything works out in the end. and before u slam me for saying tt, u just have to think of what end u have in mind. i just choose to see all the gd things as an end, and u all the bad. itz a choice whether u wanna wake up and smell the roses.

hmmm... u know that ur easy to bully when 9, 10 yr olds walk all over u. hmm... will have more comments bout the camp when itz all over.

lotsa thoughts to share and time to do it. so dun worry. i'll be ard for awhile... i hope.