Thursday, July 31

sometimes, or rather most of the time, we go through life without any real purpose. as if we were in some kinda dark forest/swamp, trying to figure our way around just by reaching forward and just walking.
hmmz... just wanted to say tt. dunno wat else i shud/want to say bout tt. ifg was fun again as usual. kemmy is a shen! and so is mengxin! realli admire athletic girls... damn pro. got lotsa work to do so... nite. (to u tt is)

i've never been so alone, and i've never been so alive

Wednesday, July 30

damn bloody tired. just wanna go sleep. had NAPFA retest (which i only have myself to blame for), then ifg. ifg was fun as usual. even though we're prob going to not win anything, i think arts rox. at least the ppl who participate. can feel us knowing each other better alreadi. and yes, learnt alot bout netball today. learnt tt i must pass chest-high balls, and not too hard at girls. thx dawn for tt. =P lotsa work to do. thinking bout sleeping and doing it later. dunno. i just wanna sleep... and have a neverending dream. of happy things and happy scenes.

Tuesday, July 29

finally got my comp back... though my mum (who's a know-it-all in her opinion) thinks its cos i din activate Windows or watever, i know itz cos of kazaa. dling all those movies and songs... lol. being sick is gd/bad like most other things. gd cos i get to miss sch and stuff and bad cos itz bloody irritating. always sniffing, clearing my throat, coughing... just saps up all my energy and my mood too.
talked to a knowledgeable fren on sat and realised tt i'm kinda confused. in the sense that i dun even know wat i want or y i'm doing wat i'm doing, or y i'm in such a horrid/gay (happy, not homosexual... doh) mood. haven't gone into one of those reflective moods (which i so badly need) in a long time. it just comes... dunno how to get there.

in this moment of worship
let my heart be true
to desire only you
you who captivate my heart

Wednesday, July 23

today had interfac games... and then went to meet up with old class and ex-form teachers. was kinda cool... got a little pissed with myself during the 1st game but tt was cos i was playing crap. luckily, i lightened up for the next 2 games cos i realised itz all bout having fun. and go to hell m*****, u have no rite to judge me cos u dun even know me. now i realise why ppl hate him so much. he thinks he's damn cool and everything but he just talks thru his ass. as if he had no brain, which i dun think he does. well, enough being pissy, dinner was nice. catching up with ppl. hmm... itz easy to say tt i dun give a damn bout girls, but obviously i do. (i'm not a chris). but there's nobody to think/care bout now. sighz. k... i sound damn despo. watever.

if it happens, it happens.

Sunday, July 20

i nearly lost my bag today.. twice. i have this habit of putting it on some table/chair nearby and conveniently walking off when i'm done and forgetting that i was carrying anything when i arrived. i've lost 3 nokia 8250s... countless wallets and bags (amazing isn't it)... shoes... u name it, i've probably lost it b4. but on the bright side, my frenz and i made a fool of ourselves at the bk at changi airport. due to my inability to shoot ice, i got bombarded by 3 ppl. thus, i decided to pour the whole cup of ice onto somebody. bad idea. the bloody idiot being way taller and way stronger than me, caught my head between his legs, pulled my shirt open, and poured his cup of ice down my back... except tt his cup still had some water in it. complete fools in front of complete strangers. my life story.
i have nothing against hard rock bands. i acknowledge that some of them might have great guitar skills... but so wat, i dun like the music. bleah. it just sounds like... noise to me. and i'll prob get a semi-acoustic guitar if i get a guit cos electric's just not my gig. i love u charmian! oops... sounds a bit... off. but man and boy... is great so far. although i've only read halfway, i finally understand that great writers need to know their material before they write bout it. u can't just write bout space travel without knowing nuts bout spaceships. parousia is a nice local band. my kinda music. go listen if ur interested.

standing on the sullen roof terrace on the esplanade staring at the sparse stars in the lonely skies, i wondered 'where are u?'

Friday, July 18

i shud stop suanning. hmm. yes. sparstic post. hmmz. yes.
guyz... i'm getting sick and tired. of trying to organise stuff and nobody (or the same few) turning up. of trying to keep the everlasting memory of the gd years which were sec 3 and 4. of making the effort to go down to such stuff. yes, i know its at my house so its more convenient for me. but i'm more than willing to go anywhere just for u guyz, hope u know tt. itz bloody pissing off to hear all the valid/non-valid excuses. there comes a pt when u forget the validity of it, and just focus on the 'where the f' are u part. yeah... so u mite have ccas/new frenz/girlfrenz/watever... big deal. not as if i dun have those, except the girlfren part of cos. sighz, i dun wanna say anymore. i mite not even wanna do anymore. hopefully, this will make u guyz think bout it. and yes, if u read this, show/tell it to somebody else who shud read it. bloody gays.

Monday, July 14

hmm... let me clarify something. yes, i did write that my perfect girl would be someone who was taller than me so i wouldn't lian lei my children. the context of that was that i remembered when i was younger (prob 12?) and i was pissed that i was short cos ppl kept teasing me bout it (as they still do). then, i would still once in awhile, wish i were tall so i wouldn't have to go through the same 'torture' everyday. but looking at my parents, i knew tt i would prob stay short my entire life. thus, i told myself then and there that i would marry someone taller than me so my children will have a higher chance of being tall. YES, it is dumb and i know that. and dun worry, i tease myself all the time bout being short so of cos i'm fine with it. dunno y i wrote it as one of my criteria too. just ignore it k? yupz.

Wednesday, July 9

it's been ages since i last posted anything and i've kinda gathered that more than a handful of people read this so hopefully the long gap in between posts will put people off. hmmz... actually dun have much to say this time except that i'm quite stoked (rite usage?) with my new comp and my maths grade. lol. B. i was actually hoping for an A but after knowing a few questions that i screwed up, i knew it was impossible. but am still quite glad for my grade cos it's all by God's grace. yup, all u non-christians out there. do wat u always do. hmmz. my mother has made me an apathetic, two-faced person. dun wanna go into details. sighz.

everything's changing...