i went for life concert 2006 at sajc today. it was good overall but one particular thing stood out for me and that was this guy's testimony. i could feel it. i dunno why. maybe because his testimony was so dramatic. but more probably, it was because i could feel the sincerity and passion in his voice. not that the others were not sincere or what. but rather, i could really hear his willingness to share. hearing people's testimonies is good because it encourages yourself.

i love the song cry out. the melody's not realli catchy or watever but the lyrics... woah. go check it out.

been awhile since i've posted. which i like. out of pt i know.

can't realli think of what to say so i'll just type and see wat comes out.

commissioning didn't seem as high as i thought it would be. until i tossed the cap. elation! truly, all the 8+ months of training came to fruition i suppose. now, my life's journey continues at tuas naval base. doing mainly paperwork i believe. not tt i mind it. it'll be an interesting learning experience yet again because itz so different from what i learnt in ocs.

i like to struggle. because i grow most then. i hate myself for giving up so easily sometimes. the easy way out's always tempting but no matter what day, what mood, i must force myself to struggle. frustration... ugh. at myself. which is the worst.

most of the time, we find somebody, something, to push the blame to. actually, we are always partly to blame. and we can do something bout it.

hmm... enough random thoughts for the day. look forward to my next long-awaited post. lol.

i realise i didn't post an 'end-of-year' post like mostly everyone else did. that doesn't mean that i didn't reflect on the year though. def not. i had a great xmas and new year thinking bout things and talking thru things with people closest to me. but there's no pt talking bout it now cos its in the past. 2005 was a year of growth. 'nuff said.
now... thailand's in the past too. it was a kinda long 20 day thingy. i went thru everything, unlike brunei, which wasn't easy but was def good for me. so many highs and lows, prob best epitomised by the despair of almost getting charged again and the euphoria of saving someone from that same fate. when you spend so much time with the same bunch of people, you see many sides. some things bond and some collide. these past 20 days made me consider things i previously didn't, and gave me some breathing space from the things back home.
i haven't slept since coming home so i might be a little incoherent. i think i'll take a breather.

i need to get david tao's katrina... i must force myself to go learn david tao, john mayer, jason mraz once i ord or something. basically have the time to improve on my guitar-ing.
watched mr and mrs smith in camp recently. realise that i kinda like the show because they have such good chemistry. both jolie and pitt and the characters themselves. i think the first part was quite well scripted and the latter part was kinda disappointing. it was fun watching it with a bunch of guyz cos of stunning angelina jolie (she's not chio, but oh-so hot!), but it would have been so nice to watch it with someone else. if you know what i mean. (actually, you prob don't and i dun intend on telling you. lol.)
going to thailand next tues night. kinda looking forward to it cos itz like the last thing left in ocs. to some extent, wanna enjoy it with my platoon/wing mates cos we'll be going our separate ways rather soon. recently, i've been realising what people mean when they say that they miss being a trainee because of the bonding and all. i have this weird relationship with my buddy. sometimes, i think he doesn't realli like me but i think itz just him being moody and then at times, we're ok again. hmm... oh well. i'm quite thankful to have him as a buddy.
will blog again later cos i got quite a few things to say.

i know all illnesses suck but i especially hate stomach nonsense. i've had diarrhoea for 3 days now meaning i had a horrible weekend, and even though the diarrhoea's better, my stomach aches like mad, kinda like cramps. and this morning, both my sisters came down with what i think is food poisoning... vomitting, possible fever. sighz. i hate stomach problems.

u guys can do no wrong, and even if u did, i'd love you no less for it.
hey girl... dunno if u read this, but i love you and i'm sorry for wat i ever did.


been watching tons of one tree hill recently. i forgot why i loved tv shows so much. itz cos sometimes, they're a realli gd reflection of life. as much as people try to deny it, lots of tv shows actually try and portray reality. but cos of cynicism and perhaps self-denial, we dun see it. like literature, movies, songs... (k... songs not realli at times). thats why i'm thankful for the phases where i like books, or poetry, or serials. k... i like them all the time; just that i have phases where i enjoy them more.


this next part only applies to those who know something bout one tree hill. i know lots of people think that itz realli just a beverlyhills90210 and it tries to hard to be 'arty'. kinda like lucas in the show (played by chad michael murray) who tries to be good and all but screws it up from time to time. and after awhile, it gets kinda repetitive. but isn't that kinda like real life? we all try realli hard to be the person we wanna be and the person we think we are, but sometimes, we screw up. we care bout tons of people, but we're not always sure who we love. sometimes, we lie... to protect ourselves, to protect others. is honesty the best policy?


Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you
When the stars go blue

this is me. (at least i think so... at times)

i am the boy who am doing this because two of my closest frenz did it, inspiring me cos i think this is a great way of self-discovery (to articulate out the things you always thought but never said out loud).

i am the boy who either doesn't say enough because he thinks too carefully about what he should say or talks too much because he gets carried away and hasn't thought through what he wants to say.

i am the boy who loves his frenz, and hates himself for not having enough time for every single one of them.

i am the boy who has a special place in his heart for every fren, and there's a 4+ year old hole in this heart that can't be replaced.

i am the boy who's learning to be a man, and finds that it's no easy journey.

i am the boy who's a hopeless romantic (serendipity is my fav movie... ttz how hopeless), yet has never been truly attached (maybe itz cos of how hopeless i am, that things have to be as surreal as in the movies)

i am the boy who's a christian, and isn't afraid of saying so. (what does that mean? i guess it means i love my god.)

i am the boy who wishes he were taller, but knows that everything else about him more than compensates for his lack of height.

i am the boy who feels so blessed just be alive, because he's 'seen', 'heard', 'felt' death in so many ways, from so many people that he knows the true joy of just being alive.

i am the boy who wants to listen to everything you say, if you would tell him.

i am the boy who has lots of things to say, if you want to listen.

i am the boy who just wants a girl to love him, as much as he'll love her.

i am the boy right here waiting, waiting for the right moment, waiting for the right person.

i am just another boy, yet a special boy.